Colorblind interracial dating
Fixed up on a blind date with Brian, a white landscape architect, she bolts. But much of the history of race-mixing is filled with danger and ugly images, such as lynchings just for the perception of untoward interest in a white woman; sexual exploitation and rape of black women working as domestics in white homes at the hands of their slavemasters and, later, employers.
It shouldn’t surprise me that interracial relationships are here to stay, considering that I’m in one. When I started dating “Kevin,” I was concerned about the demographics of the relationship. I don’t hear about how those couples confront the elephant in the room and fight to keep it from trampling everything. How Black people are killed by police for sleeping in their cars. He listens and learns and he calls out my hypocrisy — not to silence me, but to remind me of who I want to see in the mirror.
The men that believe in colorblindness, AKA denying acknowledgement of race in a (deeply misguided) attempt to somehow treat every single person the same way no matter what, were less likely to be attracted to black women.
Interestingly, the colorblind ideology had the same effect on both white men and black men, who were also less likely to find black women attractive if they “don’t see color.”The authors of the study, researchers at Tennessee State University and University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, noted that the study shows that trying to ignore the existence of race not only doesn’t work, but has the opposite supposed intent of racial harmony."These results are important because they suggest that it is more than a mere absence of prejudice that can foster interracial attraction but that a conscious commitment to the recognition and valuing of difference across race may be what is influential in interracial attraction," the authors wrote.
I’m lucky because even though it’s hard for him, he admits his racism and actively works to dismantle it. He accepts that there were things he supported in the past that were disgusting. When I read the blogs of other interracial couples, I rarely hear about the ugly. I also liked the shout out to Darrien Hunt, the young Black man who was murdered for cosplaying with an ornamental sword. How scared white people kill Black people asking for help. I wonder if he questions himself when he hears her dismiss the hundreds of laws that explicitly forbade Black people from accessing the same benefits as white people. It was more than I would do now; my patience was in a different place then, but it’s less than other people think it should be, as evidenced by every person asking if Kevin is okay with my essays. He supports what I do and accepts that sometimes my writing will be about our relationship.
It is a humbling way to live, but it’s real, raw, and truthful. We sit it right beside the pretty and figure out how we’re going to live with it. Do what people say, but be proud of who you are, as long as it doesn’t look like any kind of protest or disobedience.”On top of that, she threw in a few gems about only doing legal things because robbing a gas station is every Black person’s aspiration unless they fight hard not to. What she forgot to mention, however, was how being respectful, productive, proud, and lawful can still get Black people “legally” murdered by police and scared white people. How Black people are refused medical care by the police until they die in custody. I wonder how he feels when he reads her statement that everyone has the same opportunities and choices, completely ignoring the hundreds of years that many choices were illegal for Black people. I asked myself how much work was I willing to do to stay and how much I was willing to compromise for him.
Now she sees that minor things like spending time alone with their white child or driving with a broken tail light are potentially lethal for her Black spouse. To tell her two-year-old Black child this: “You better make smart decisions. If you are anything less than these things, you might not come home to me one day.”There was so much in that one quote that I wished I still smoked. For a long time, I gave white people the benefit of the doubt. It was in the past six months that I finally accepted that all of this is 100% deliberate, including the “ignorance.” It is willful. My denial of this was the only thing that made me feel slightly safe in this world.
This gender gap struck me as interesting, yet seemingly nobody had written about it.
As an urbanite in the 1980s and 1990s in LA and Chicago, it was hard not to notice trends among interracial couples.
Black/white couples typically featured a black man with a white woman.
Most writers on interracial sexual attraction prefer to moralize rather than scrutinize the statistics.
So while enduring chemotherapy in 1997, I puttered for a couple of hours per day on an essay I titled “Is Love Colorblind?In 1990, black-husband/white-wife couples (such as O. and Nicole Simpson) were 2.5x as numerous as white-husband/black-wife couples (e.g., David Bowie and Iman).